dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
