Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
