i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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