remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
