East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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