I puked a lego.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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