we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
