yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just want nice things and good sex
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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