Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
