I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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