I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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