my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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