with your own penis?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
