I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
