I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
