He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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