I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
