This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
