and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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