We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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