chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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