had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize