i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
