The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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