so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
