we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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