im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
