So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
