Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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