is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
