break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
