I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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