My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We don't watch enough power rangers
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
