your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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