____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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