You just made me feel so damn special
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize