i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
