i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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