I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
