I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
