We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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