why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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