Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The air was thick with penises
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
