Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
