I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
