the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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