Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
