Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
