hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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