By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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