I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
