why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
