god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
jump out the window naked night went bad
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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