Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
