just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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