Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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