Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
