What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
