ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
that is very illegal...i love you.
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