Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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