So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And then my night got REAL pukey
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
