There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
