I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
