the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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