I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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