Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
