If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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