Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
