you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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