I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
