I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
