i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
