you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
