Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
