Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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