Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i think my mom watched the whole time
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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