I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
