I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize