i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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